MAJOR BENNIE! My life's being bumped up to "skimpy & tacky"!!! Hurray!!!

[Bill Cady]

I’m going to Disneyland!

Not sure if that’s still used as a TV ad, or not. I haven’t watched a TV set other than sports since 2004, the last year before I became homeless from 2005-2009. Since I was “paroled” from that life May 29^th, 2009, the only time I watch TV is for my San Diego Padres and-or Chargers. I’ll confess this year, for the first time in my life, I watched the World Series and the Super Bowl. (Can’t recall what teams played in either of ‘em). Beyond my favorite sports teams, I don’t ever use my set. I’d far rather spend my time writing my novels and these blog posts.

It’s what I call “doin’ my thing” these days. A lot more peaceful and restful.

Years ago when I did watch the “boob tube”, that was a commonplace commercial. I still remember when Magic Johnson and the Michigan State Spartans swept the NCAA basketball finals in 1979. He was asked what he had planned next. He said, ‘I’m going to Disneyland!”

For a guy like me who absotively, posilutely can’t stand what I learned early to call “rug rats”, I might as well skip the traveling. I’d be better served to just drive to a police station and plead guilty to intended-but-incomplete murder with an insanity plea. Kids drive me nuts, all based on the disobedience and disrespect I see from ‘em. While I fully realize it’s totally the irresponsible parents’ fault, if I turned my rage on the parents there’d be a slew of dead liberals to scoop up and bury. Best for me to stay away from places inundated in “rats”.

Still, a guy can dream, ya know? My dreams were all heavily modified by a major disruption in my life called homelessness. It overtook me and taught me some truly valuable lessons. Then, after I was “paroled” from that hell, I was shifted to an existence not many of you could abide and few of you would believe.

My “income” has yet to rise to the level of “meager”. The only money I can count on in any month is my Social Security cheque, a paltry $744.00 on the 1^st – 3^rd of the month. Many of you have car payments larger than my income, and all of you probably pay more for the cost of where you live … rent or mortgage payment … than I receive each month.

Sadly, I pay more than I make, too. The difference is you’ve probably never had to beg people for the disparity. I have … although that’s now coming to a screechin’ halt, thank God. The Section 8 money from HUD will at least see I have a roof over my head. Humbled as I was by being homeless, further diminished in my ongoing role as the character “Poverty Pete”, I have far lesser economic goals these days. I’ll bet you wouldn’t believe what I’d substitute for the “bodacious thrill” inferred by that Disney trip.

I’ll buy a new bottle of bleach. Get a new eye cup and a small bottle of eyewash. Buy a new tube of toothpaste as the one I’ve used the last 2+ years is almost gone. Stock up and buy TWO BOTTLES of apple juice and TWO BOTTLES of veggie juice at the same time. I’ll go hog wild and buy some Banquet Fruit Pies in addition to my ten-at-a-time purchases of pot pies @ 89¢ apiece from Stater Brothers. Might even go nuts and treat myself to a meal at The Sizzler, which I recall was about a $28.00 trip for a t-bone dinner. I’ll have to wait on that part until my appetite, which was ruined by the chemo, comes back, but good things can take time.

It’s only when a man has lived in the depths of want and despair, when he’s been made to see the extremely little things can seem like very big things, he’s able to understand. It’s my hope you’ll learn these lessons the easy way, by reading about the hardships I endured. I pray you don’t ever need to learn ‘em the hard way, like I did. That’s a lifestyle I wouldn’t even wish on any of my exes.

If you feel even a twinge of guilt at the concept, I also have a suggestion. The next time you see a homeless person, slip him-her a few bucks. I guarantee the smile you’ll receive as a reward will blow off that guilt trip.

I’m just sayin’.

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